Battle-Ade

Welcome to the ninth edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?" This is the weekly segment that asks the question, 'what if a small thing changed?' By asking the question, 'what if a small thing changed?', we will find out what disastrous or non-consequential things may occur with the changing of a small and simple thing. If you have not endeavoured in this explanation, I would excuse you for excusing yourself to easier exertions; like eating eggs en route to Estonia.

For this edition, the the crane flower weekiversary of this blog, we will not take a suggestion, because I have far more interesting thoughts than you peons! So, my first thought for the return of this magnificent art involves sports drinks. We know them, we love them, we drink them, the All Blacks run on them (and Weet-Bix). Powerade is the sporting drink of New Zealand, along with Demon, E2, Lift Plus, Loaded, Lucozade, Mizone, Monster, Mother, Red Bull, and V.

But what if a small thing changed? What if, in fact, Gatorade beat Powerade to the punch in Kiwistan?! In all my wisdom and knowledge, I hold the horrifying answers. Do you want to know the answers? Do you? DO YOU?!?! Then, read on...

Firstly, the All Blacks would not be a competitive team. (Should I have said that with an explanation mark? Meh, it's just rugby.) The fact that Gatorade does not sponsor any rugby teams means they wouldn't bother with New Zealand's. As such, New Zealand's toughest men and Daniel Carter would be unable to quench their body's thirst and their competitive status would become inconsequential in the world of the IRB. Well, except to determine who could defeat them by the most points.

Secondly, Gatorade would choose a national team to sponsor. As they already sponsor the AVP, they would follow suit in New Zealand, becoming the major sponsor of Volleyball New Zealand! With their sponsorship of the sandy game, volleyball would become the national sport of the Silver Fern Nation allowing us to finally gain a placing higher than fourth in the AVC.

Thirdly, and finally, Powerade would have to place their rugby sponsorship somewhere else. The logical nation to take advantage of is that of East Timor. With their introduction into the IRB world rankings, they would eventually become the world number ones. In 294 years, they would use their newfound power and, as a result, money to take over the world with banana chips as their only weapons!

I dread to see the day when an East Timorese (that sounds like a biscuit...) rules the world! So Powerade, for all our sake, keep on sponsoring Aotearoa's toughest boys!... and Daniel Carter...


(Powerade gives you the strength of a dog-fighting enthusiast!)

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