A Small Change in the Wind...

Welcome to the eleventh edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?" This is the weekly segment that asks the question, 'what if a small thing changed?' By asking the question, 'what if a small thing changed?', we will find out what disastrous or non-consequential things may occur with the changing of a small and simple thing. If you have not understood, sod off.

For this edition, the tulip weekiversary of this blog, we will not take a suggestion, because I have far more interesting thoughts than you peons! So, my thought for this week's thought-provoking masterpiece requires us to look at the days of the week. Monday, Tuesday, and some others I think. For three months, this mind-blasting piece of work has been published every Tuesday.

But what if a small thing changed? What if, like now, the day of publication was changed to a Saturday?! In all my wisdom and knowledge, I hold the glorifying answers. Do you want to know the answers? Do you? DO YOU?!?! Then, read on...

Simply put, the world as we know it would change forever!

But you guys read this for an in-depth, eye-opening experience of an explanation. Here we go; the number of weekend readers on the interwebs will be an increase of 912% for this blog. This means this glorious message will reach 364.8 of you lesser beings (with a .8, I'm assuming some of you may be midgets), and you will all learn to see the truths I speak.

Eventually, as the message I embody spreads to the world, leaders will fall at my feet, presidents will embrace my words as law, even the Pope will say "That guy's got it!"

The years will go on, and I will eventually pass on. But as my offspring (32 strapping sons, 18 beautiful daughters) live on and preach my message, the hardest of hearts will concede, and my legacy will take over the world!

It will be a beautiful day when the world is run my way, like glitter raining down on snow. So to you, the reader, I say this; hearken to my words now and you may soon see you and your family in a position of power and respect!

Այն պետք է երշիկ անկում է ապուր.

(I am a genius! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJPFSNu_QNs)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you would like to pick the 'small thing' in question for an edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?", leave your feedback by clicking the link which can be found in a general that way <---> direction, or by leaving a comment on the Facebook site for this blog which can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/What-If-A-Small-Thing-Changed/219775228084308?sk=wall

Stick It To The Man!

Welcome to the tenth edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?" This is the weekly segment that asks the question, 'what if a small thing changed?' By asking the question, 'what if a small thing changed?', we will find out what disastrous or non-consequential things may occur with the changing of a small and simple thing. If you have not persevered in the premise of this post, I would pardon your pointlessness to partake in more pleasing practices; like pruning pigs.

For this edition, the daffodil weekiversary of this blog, we will not take a suggestion, because I have far more interesting thoughts than you peons! So, my thought for this week's intellectual symphony involves an everyday office tool. It is the item that, literally, holds our work together. It keeps us on track. It keeps us sticky. It is sticky tape.

But what if a small thing changed? What if, in fact, sticky tape were never invented?! In all my wisdom and knowledge, I hold the horrifying answers. Do you want to know the answers? Do you? DO YOU?!?! Then, read on...

Well, not much would really happen. In fact, only three things would be of consequence. Firstly, my headphones would still be broken and I wouldn't be listening to the soothing sounds of Westlife, Billy Joel, and Black Stone Cherry. Instead, I'd be listening to my own thoughts more clearly; the sole way of ensuring intelligent conversation.

Secondly, there would be no need for ISO requirements on peel adhesion, static shear adhesion, break strength, or elongation. This would force all of 17 people to go out and acquire a job that would have an influence on the world greater than that of saying something's not sticky enough.

Third and final, the world would not know the name of Dr. Horace Day. The Day's would have no legacy to uphold and that would be a terrible loss to society.

I dread to see the day when the name of Day is forgotten and passed by like the dung of a hamster! So Dr. Day, we thank you for your essentially useless and pointless invention.

(The only sound reason for adhesive tape)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you would like to pick the 'small thing' in question for an edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?", leave your feedback by clicking the link which can be found in a general that way <---> direction, or by leaving a comment on the Facebook site for this blog which can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/What-If-A-Small-Thing-Changed/219775228084308?sk=wall

Battle-Ade

Welcome to the ninth edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?" This is the weekly segment that asks the question, 'what if a small thing changed?' By asking the question, 'what if a small thing changed?', we will find out what disastrous or non-consequential things may occur with the changing of a small and simple thing. If you have not endeavoured in this explanation, I would excuse you for excusing yourself to easier exertions; like eating eggs en route to Estonia.

For this edition, the the crane flower weekiversary of this blog, we will not take a suggestion, because I have far more interesting thoughts than you peons! So, my first thought for the return of this magnificent art involves sports drinks. We know them, we love them, we drink them, the All Blacks run on them (and Weet-Bix). Powerade is the sporting drink of New Zealand, along with Demon, E2, Lift Plus, Loaded, Lucozade, Mizone, Monster, Mother, Red Bull, and V.

But what if a small thing changed? What if, in fact, Gatorade beat Powerade to the punch in Kiwistan?! In all my wisdom and knowledge, I hold the horrifying answers. Do you want to know the answers? Do you? DO YOU?!?! Then, read on...

Firstly, the All Blacks would not be a competitive team. (Should I have said that with an explanation mark? Meh, it's just rugby.) The fact that Gatorade does not sponsor any rugby teams means they wouldn't bother with New Zealand's. As such, New Zealand's toughest men and Daniel Carter would be unable to quench their body's thirst and their competitive status would become inconsequential in the world of the IRB. Well, except to determine who could defeat them by the most points.

Secondly, Gatorade would choose a national team to sponsor. As they already sponsor the AVP, they would follow suit in New Zealand, becoming the major sponsor of Volleyball New Zealand! With their sponsorship of the sandy game, volleyball would become the national sport of the Silver Fern Nation allowing us to finally gain a placing higher than fourth in the AVC.

Thirdly, and finally, Powerade would have to place their rugby sponsorship somewhere else. The logical nation to take advantage of is that of East Timor. With their introduction into the IRB world rankings, they would eventually become the world number ones. In 294 years, they would use their newfound power and, as a result, money to take over the world with banana chips as their only weapons!

I dread to see the day when an East Timorese (that sounds like a biscuit...) rules the world! So Powerade, for all our sake, keep on sponsoring Aotearoa's toughest boys!... and Daniel Carter...


(Powerade gives you the strength of a dog-fighting enthusiast!)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you would like to pick the 'small thing' in question for an edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?", leave your feedback by clicking the link which can be found in a general that way <---> direction, or by leaving a comment on the Facebook site for this blog which can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/What-If-A-Small-Thing-Changed/219775228084308?sk=wall

The Killer Wales!

Welcome to the eighth edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?" This is the weekly segment that asks the question, 'what if a small thing changed?' By asking the question, 'what if a small thing changed?', we will find out what disastrous or non-consequential things may occur with the changing of a small and simple thing. If you have not followed so far, I would forgive you for facilitating friendlier faculties; like finking Frenchies.

For this edition, the octovial of this blog, we will not take a suggestion, but pay tribute to a recent global event! Of course, this event is the 2011 IRB Rugby World Cup third place playoff! Now, this is a game that held the focus of the world Australia and Wales.

But what if a small thing changed? What if, somehow, Australia lost?! In all my wisdom and knowledge, I hold the horrifying answers. Do you want to know the answers? Do you? DO YOU?!?! Then, read on...

Firstly, Australia would go into a state of mourning, what with losing to Samoa, Ireland, and Wales in the same year. The public would demand answers, answers Robbie Deans could not give. As a result, Deans would be given the boot and the Australian transplant would live the remainder of his life in shame. Quade Cooper would share a similar fate as the world would finally come to understand that he is one of the most overrated players in test history.

Secondly, the nation of Wales would be consumed by a state of euphoria. Warren Gatland would be a hero in both Wales and New Zealand, and would receive special mention by both the Prince of Wales, and the Maori King. As the world looked on in awe at their new favourite nation, Rob Brydon would step forward as their new leader, and lead the Welsh to world dominance through comedy and bad advertising.

I dread to see the day when a sheep-shagger rules the world! So Wales, for all our sake, keep on losing you hip commune!


(New Zealand journalism at its best! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SCn3mp_Hrg)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you would like to pick the 'small thing' in question for next weeks edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?", leave your feedback by clicking the link which can be found in a general that way <---> direction, or by leaving a comment on the Facebook site for this blog which can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/What-If-A-Small-Thing-Changed/219775228084308?sk=wall

The End...

Welcome to the seventh edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?" This is the weekly segment that asks the question, 'what if a small thing changed?' By asking the question, 'what if a small thing changed?', we will find out what disastrous or non-consequential things may occur with the changing of a small and simple thing. If you have not followed so far, I would like you to look for lamer labours; like licking ladybugs.

For this edition, the heptial of this blog, we don't need to look anywhere else, just this blog! Kendall has suggested that this edition should focus on changes (a very interesting focus Ms. Kendall, have a point for awaking my wonderings). Now, this is a subject in which I am well knowledged (yeah, I made a new word, deal with it), and you loyal readers are learning more from me every week.

But what if a small thing changed? What if, one day, small changes became big changes?! In all my wisdom and knowledge, I hold the horrifying answers. Do you want to know the answers? Do you? DO YOU?!?! Then, read on...

Firstly, the results would have catastrophic, global ramifications. Nuclear war would come between Canada and Yemen, cows would stop producing milk, and there would be no more pineapples. While these things may be minorly disastrous, we all know of something much worse that would occur, something truly terrifying.

THIS BLOG WOULD CEASE TO EXIST!!! Yes, without the ability for a small change to occur, this blog would have no purpose, no reason, no potatoes. This wonderful collection of literature that changes the life of thirty people on a weekly basis, would die. Not only would this be a terrible loss to the world, but those thirty people will lose the one thing in their life that keeps them sane. Eventually, calamity would ensue and the world would simply implode.

I dread to see the day when the world implodes, where there is no one left to answer the question 'What if a small thing changed?'! So change, for all our sake, all 30 of us, please maintain a level of minority you beautiful thing!


(It's all too late! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZWAqZN-uJo)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you would like to pick the 'small thing' in question for next weeks edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?", leave your feedback by clicking the link which can be found in a general that way <---> direction, or by leaving a comment on the Facebook site for this blog which can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/What-If-A-Small-Thing-Changed/219775228084308?sk=wall

I See Trees Of Red, Green Roses Too!

Welcome to the sixth edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?" This is the weekly segment that asks the question, 'what if a small thing changed?' By asking the question, 'what if a small thing changed?', we will find out what disastrous or non-consequential things may occur with the changing of a small and simple thing. If you have not followed so far, I would arouse you to assert your actions to a more accommodating area; like aping around Auckland City.

For this edition, the sextetual of this blog, we need only look up. Alyssa has suggested that this edition should focus on the sky (an out there topic Ms. Alyssa, have a point for endorphing my eyes). Now, even people from Scotland can at least annually enjoy the beautiful blue that is spaceward bound.

But what if a small thing changed? What if, one day, the sky turned purple?! In all my wisdom and knowledge, I hold the horrifying answers. Do you want to know the answers? Do you? DO YOU?!?! Then, read on...

Firstly, the results would not actually be horrifying at all! In fact, the calming purple would turn the sea to purple (from the reflection of the solar rays), and this calmness would in turn lower the anger and rage of the oceans. This would have marvellous repercussions on the entire globe.

The calming of the seas and oceans would mean that waves become less fierce, ushering in an age of reduced erosion. Why is this good? Well rocks, cliffs, and polar ice would not fall into the sea meaning that sea levels would not rise and the fresh water would stay in the ice of the Arctic and Antarctic regions. The world would be safe from nature for a while.

This rest from the ferocity of the natural world would allow governments to focus on economical, education, and homeless problems. This new and invigorated focus would also come as a result of NO MORE WAR! Warlessness would come about as a simple result of the calming purple hue. There would then be no division of boundaries between nations and everybody would simply be respectful of their differences because of the calmness of the purple.

I look forward to a day when the world is both united and respectfully divided, where there are no nations trying to take over the world and everyone is safe! So sky, for all our sake, please turn purple you magnificent thing!

(Purple rain would also become a reality - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKiiNq72040)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you would like to pick the 'small thing' in question for next weeks edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?", leave your feedback by clicking the link which can be found in a general that way <---> direction, or by leaving a comment on the Facebook site for this blog which can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/What-If-A-Small-Thing-Changed/219775228084308?sk=wall

Sweet to Sour

Welcome to the fifth edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?" This is the weekly segment that asks the question, 'what if a small thing changed?' By asking the question, 'what if a small thing changed?', we will find out what disastrous or non-consequential things may occur with the changing of a small and simple thing. If you have not followed so far, I would postulate as to whether you cannot point your purpose towards a polar pilotage; like picking your proboscis.

For this edition, the quinquennial of this blog, we need only look to our tummies. Aaron has suggested that this edition should focus on Jaffas (a tasteful and toothsome topic Mr. Aaron, have a point for seducing my stomach). Now, us people on the bottom-end of the world know Jaffas as a delicious chocolate sweet encased in an orange flavoured coating.

But what if a small thing changed? What if, one day, the Jaffa changed colour?! In all my wisdom and knowledge, I hold the horrifying answers. Do you want to know the answers? Do you? DO YOU?!?! Then, read on...

Firstly, the name would have to change as it would no longer bear resemblance to it's namesake's product; i.e., the Jaffa Orange. This simple change would have two major bearings on the world for New Zealand and her sister, Australia. These changes will come first in business and second in politics.

So business. Because of the sudden name change of a loved and trusted product, as well as the flavour change (whether real or perceived, an inverse placebo if you will), the product will stop being bought. This sudden loss of income for Cadbury NZ and Allen's Sweets AU will lead to a traumatic loss of revenue forcing those divisions of the companies to close down (because Jaffa's are that popular and affective). These country's economy will then suffer with the loss of these major companies to the point where NZ and Aussieland will lose the majority of their populations to the newly thriving country of Pakistan.

This leads directly to the second point of politics. Due to the Jaffa being named after the Jaffa Orange, of Pakistani origin, the Pakistani government will see this as a direct insult from the two nations. As such, Pakistan will take any and all New Zealanders and Aussiestanians into their nation with promise of hope and prosperity. Eventually, this PakistaNewStralian entity will become the most powerful force in the world, allowing for Pakistan to take the globe by force.

I dread to see the day when Pakistan rules the world, and I'm forced to be associated with Australians! So Jaffas, for all our sake, stay orange, round, and adorable!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you would like to pick the 'small thing' in question for next weeks edition of "What if a Small Thing Changed?", leave your feedback by clicking the link which can be found in a general that way <---> direction, or by leaving a comment on the Facebook site for this blog which can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/What-If-A-Small-Thing-Changed/219775228084308?sk=wall